Through it all... I Have Him

 He left.  I knew he would.  He told me that for four years straight.  He reminded me over  and over of the time frame, even counting down for me.  Each year he would be like only 3 years left, then 2, then one, then "Mom, can you believe I'm leaving in the morning?"

It had come just like he said it would.   Nate, the last born was left with "only child" status when he became a freshman in high school. His older siblings had all left for college, missions or were married by then.  So he had a 4 year sentence of being alone with his parents and the term had now come to an end.

I didn't know how fast four years would go.  I also didn't anticipate how I would feel when it finally happened.  We took him to the airport to leave on his flight to the Provo MTC and then off to serve rest of his two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Santos, Brazil. I watched as he moved past the boarding pass desk. I watched every movement, the taking off of his suit coat, putting his stuff in bins, walking through security, chatting with another missionary heading off to the MTC as he waited for his stuff and then putting back on the jacket, the grabbing of his bags and my eyes follow till the blonde tufts of his hair disappear around the corner to the gates.  He is gone... and I feel it.

But what I feel is not loss but gratitude, that I had him.  I didn't appreciate his willingness enough.  He was one that came when I called.  "Hey Nate, you need to unload the dishwasher, Within minutes, the dishwasher helper was there and dishes were unloaded. 

Or I would look at some long hike I yearned to do that would require hours of travel and I would ask, "Nate, do you want to do this hike with me?"  And he never said no. 

 Or "Hey Nate, I'm going to Utah to watch grandbabies for the week, want to come?"  Next thing I know he is packing his bag.  

Not once did he say no, and I honestly thought he wanted to do all those things until the day before he left when he said, "Mom I won't be here to go on trips anymore with you, you are going to need to fly." It then hits me all those trips he went on weren't because he wanted to go too, he just saw with clear vision that I wanted to go and without him, I wouldn't or I'd drive alone and both seemed like bad alternatives. So every spring and summer, when Duane was swamped with the orchard, Nate jumped in as sidekick and traveled wherever I needed to go.

I no longer had my traveling sidekick or instant helper, this would be hard.  I especially felt it on the first Saturday he was gone and it was clean the house day.  It took longer, my body ached, he was definitely missed, but the tasks still got done because Christ makes up all the difference.  He gives us the power and strength for us to carry on without our helpers.  He also has the power to change our perspectives and hearts if we will let Him in. 

It is because of Christ that when I let my son go that day, my heart did not spill over in sadness, but filled with gratitude instead. On that day when I watched my son leave and my burdens should have felt heavy, mine only felt laden down with love. I don't know how Christ does what He does, but I know He is real and I know His power can turn dark days to bright ones and broken hearts to whole ones.  And for this and all the countless things he does my heart rejoices that through it all...  I have Him.

 

It's rough out there, let Him steer

 I made a goal to watch the news every night.  OH MY WORD!!!  Do you know what's going on out there?  It is NOT GOOD!! Well it's mostly not good.  There is one thing on the news that is keeping me going and bringing me back for another round, besides just determination to accomplish my goal (so I can get my reward each week) and that is the segment called "The Good Stuff" at the end of most newscasts.

Hallelujah for that!  I would think our world was completely lost except that each night I see one good story that continues to feed my hope.  

Last night I saw the story of a mom with her 3 kids who had decided to go paddle boarding and kayaking on the west shore coast of Australia.  Unfortunately a storm came in and pushed their kayaks several miles out to the ocean.  The mom didn't know what to do, she sent her 13 year old son to kayak back to shore to get help.  A few miles out his kayak capsizes and he is left to swim in the ocean for hours, even taking off his life jacket because it was slowing his progress to get help for his family.

They asked him how he survived it, he said, " I prayed and prayed the whole time, even telling God I would get baptized when I got back."  Along with prayer he also kept control of his thoughts because he could see something in the water near him and it worried him.  So he just kept focusing his thoughts on positive things and praying fervently.

And he made it, found a phone and called the police who sent rescue helicopters and boats out to save his family.  The segment ends with the mom tearfully saying tonight she is just thankful to have all three of her kids, I felt every bit of it as I swiped away the water blurring the vision in my own eyes.

You can't help but feel it, God is good!  He hears your earnest prayers.  He delivers you from the storms of life.  For all that is not good in the world, and there's a lot, trust me, (I'm a news watcher now.)  There is still the One who will always be GOOD, always be trustworthy, always love you no matter what and be in relentless pursuit of you. So when the storm rages, tie your life line to Him, He will steer you safely home.

#Godisgood

#letsputmoregoodnewsoutthere

#MakeJesusyourlifeline

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 My son was scrolling through his feed last night when he shared that Pres. Nelson had died.  I couldn't believe it.  I mean he was 101 years old, I guess I knew this day would come.  But I wasn't prepared for it.   My heart still sorrowed knowing he wouldn't be at the next conference with the perfect message I needed to hear.  Even my son said, "Surely he wrote his talk already, maybe they'll still play it. "  He echoed my own heart's desire.

Pres. Nelson led with love, love that was real and emanated from the Savior.  A couple of years ago we took our young women from our church to general conference in Salt Lake City, Utah to hear the messages from our church leaders and see the prophet, Pres. Nelson.  Only he wasn't at the two sessions before us.  I began to worry that he would not be at conference at all.  Here we had driven 10 hours to have this experience to see a prophet and have the girls feel how strongly the spirit is there when the prophet is there.  

So we did what was in our power to do, we prayed and then drove to conference.  Sitting in our balcony seats, we could still make out the church leaders as they walked in. but no Pres. Nelson.  Then in came 3 wheelchairs with general authorities being wheeled in.  One of them was Pres. Nelson.  The conference center full of 20,000 people went quiet in a reverential hush.  No one said to do that, no sign was given,  It just happened automatically with everyone there at the same time, this sacred power filled the room and all were drawn to his presence.  Surely this was a man of God.  

Once they got him situated in his seat.  He smiled at the audience and waved, we were way up high in our balcony seating, , but we could still see him.  He then made a heart with both of his hands pressed together and methodically began at the far corner of the conference center and moved his hands across the entire congregation showing his love.  Something magical happened when his heart shaped hands moved across me, I felt this wave of love, so overpowering that tears fell down my face.  Was this just me?  I looked at my young women next to me and asked if they felt that?  They shook their head yes.   All who have eyes to see, ears to hear and hearts to feel, could not miss the Love of the Lord that radiated from this man.

Having the Lord hear our prayers and have the prophet attend our session despite his challenges at the time and feel the Lord's love through Him was a powerful experience I will never forget.  Although that strengthened my testimony that the Prophet is a man of God and does His work.  What really has changed me is the spirit I feel each time He taught us.  

I could go on for pages about how his spirit filled words have impacted my life.  But it would take too long, so I'll just add some of my favorite quotes that instigated needed changes.

Pres. Russell M. Nelson was the best among us. He was indeed the Lord's prophet. He has impacted my life for good.  I know He was welcomed home with open arms and those longed for words , "Well done thy good and faithful servant."  

May we continue the path that leads to Christ, the one Pres. Nelson has so lovingly taught and so extensively walked. I love you Pres. Nelson, thank you for everything.

 

Run to the Only One Who Can Heal You.

 This week I was reading the account of Christ leaving Gethsemane when a multitude of high priests and elders from the temple come to take him to be tried over false accusations.  Christ's disciples seeing what is about to happen want to defend Jesus at first and they ask, "Lord shall we smite with the sword?" (Luke 22:49).  Before Christ could respond, one of them cuts off the right ear of a servant of a high priest. And without hesitation Christ touches his ear and heals him." (vs. 51)

I am wondering at this point what all the people are thinking because right after this miraculous event, his disciples run off when they see the multitude have swords and staves.( Mark 14:50).  Peter does not run off though, but secretly follows behind.   Then one of the maids notices Peter and alerts the others that she had seen him with the accused Jesus and within the hour he denies three times of ever having known Him.

 And the multitude who had hunted Him down and taken Him to be tried were the same ones who had been with Him in the temple, who had heard His words and knew His power.  And among them were those who hid behind the false claims of blasphemy so they could get rid of  Jesus and restore their popularity and power. And knowing all of their motives, heals the servant's ear anyway.  While they wanted  power for their personal gain, Christ wants only to use His power to heal. 

All of them had in one way or another, let Him down. They left Him, betrayed Him, and hurt Him. I marveled at all their actions, but then I thought of myself. Do I sometimes let fear win out and run away in situations that I should be running to?  Do I sometimes worry what they ask me to do will be too hard or I won't do it right or I won't say the right things so I just avoid the situation altogether.  

Do I forget Christ can heal all pains?  Do I wallow instead in self pity and blame others for thoughtless words and actions that hurt, when I could turn to Christ and have Him heal my brokenness and help me forgive the carelessness of others.

Yes, I find myself among the multitude, as one who has witnessed His power and majesty and yet in a moment can still get blindsided by fear, rejection, and self pity.  It's so easy to judge the apostles when they are running away, but so hard when you find yourself entangled in emotions of the moment and have the same kneejerk reaction.

I wish I was wiser.  I wish I didn't fall.  But I have many times and probably will again.   But one thing I know is when you fall and forget Christ's power and ability to heal...it's not over.  He hasn't forsaken you.  He won't leave you in the dark to perish alone.  He is still there waiting for you to turn to Him. 

Peter denied him three times when put on the spot in a fearful situation, but when given the chance to do the right thing when he sees Christ again, Peter doesn't let him down. Christ asks him will you feed my sheep?  He responds affirmatively three times, as if undoing the three times he denied him previously. Even calling Peter  to lead His church after He ascends back to the Father, showing us that forgiveness is real and so are do-overs.  Christ makes it possible for all of us to repent of our mistakes and try again.

I hope we will never forget His great sacrifice. The breadth and depth of pain he went through for each of us I will never comprehend.  And though I don't know how the atonement works, I know it does for I have experienced the effects of it many times.  What he went through will save you and me as real as anything I have ever felt.  Turn to Him when you feel afraid, hurt, alone or rejected, He will calm, comfort, and make you whole. And if mistakes were made, He'll let you try again, to do it better next time. Don't run from the only one who can heal you. Instead, run to Him and let the healing begin.

#greaterlovehathnoman 

It all started with the word Keys.

 Can I just say I'm going through an adjustment period?  I just got switched to teaching early morning and first hour seminary. Leaving the house at 6 a.m. every morning has had its challenges.  And at the top of the list would be the worry that I might not hear the 5 a.m. alarm go off.  So I wake up with a start every hour during the night to look at the time.  "No not yet" and roll over to try to go back to sleep.  It's been such a good time that by the 3rd night of no real sleep accompanied with dizziness, I took a sleeping pill.  Good news... sleeping pill worked.  I slept the sleep of the Gods.  It was heavenly.  The only repercussion was my processing was a tad delayed, which led to taking longer to get ready, which led to leaving later.  But then I told myself, "You're ok, it's Friday which is late start." That thought calmed down the building anxiety.  Then a mile or so down the road, a single word came to my mind... "Keys."  I shrugged it off, " I have my keys, I put them in the zippered part of my purse."  And then another thought hit me... "Check."   I'm at a stop sign, so I decide to follow through with this thought, even though pretty sure it's in the zippered pocket.  I check, it's not there.  Hmm.  Then I check every pocket.. nothing, and then in a frantic pursuit I'm checking every nook and cranny.  No keys!

It's here that I turn around and drive like a formula one race car driver back home.  I run upstairs and check the coat I had worn the day before and in the 2nd pocket ( there's only 2) I find them! "Hallelujah!"  Grab keys, race back to car and drive in previous like manner all the way to the seminary building only to find the students who ride the school bus are already there, huddled together in below freezing temps. waiting to be let in.( And as you know teens don't wear coats, so they got to be pretty near frozen at this point.)  It quickly registers that even though it says it's "late start," the bus schedule is the exact same. Note to self, there is no difference between late start and early start. 

 As I drive home after classes, I ponder those quiet little thoughts "Keys" and "Check." What would I have done if I got to the seminary building without keys?  There was no one else there.  The Lord knew this and helped me sidestep a minor disaster .  I then wondered if the Lord had even tried to convey that message before I left?  Maybe. But, I was in a frenzy trying to get out the door.  It wasn't till a mile down the road that my mind was calm and I received the message. Elder Packer shared this quote:  “The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather, it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied, we may not feel it at all.”  

I wonder how often the Lord speaks to us through the Spirit, but because we are too preoccupied with other things, we are missing the messages. I think  I can safely say a lot of messages are getting by me undetected. And seeing that it's January, it feels like the right time to start a new goal like slow down, quiet your mind, and just listen. Can you imagine if we all slowed down and listened to the good thoughts coming to us and then acted on them?  Maybe politicians would know how to be peacemakers,  and the lonely could be led to connections, the lost could be found, the downtrodden lifted, the anxious comforted, and the holes in our hearts filled with love.  I think this one small change, could possibly be the key to changing the world.

Where Would We Be Without a Running Partner?

So I had made a goal back in January that I would run a half marathon with Nate in 2024.  I had a whole year to plan, train, and execute this goal.  But life happens and time speeds on by. So, Duane brings up the idea, "Why don't you do your own half marathon?  I could make you medals, you can run around the orchard." 

I like that idea, I don't have to travel or stress about my time like in a real race.  I can just run whenever.  And that easy peasy half marathon idea made me think I'm going to do that.  Only time got away from me. It was now December 30th.  I couldn't believe I hadn't run a half marathon with Nate. Nate had accomplished the half marathon though.  In his training for cross country, he had run over 13 miles around the orchard, just like Dad had suggested.  But not me, what the heck was I doing?  I don't know, but it wasn't running.  

 So it's Dec. 30 as mentioned, but something is glaring at me through the window.. is that the sun?   This doesn't happen most days in winter in the Tri-cities. Then I went outside, Huh it wasn't windy either.  Wait, what was the temperature?  I go and check the weather station. Yeah, being married to an orchardist means we have perks like multiple weather stations in our house. I can know the temp, wind speed, and barometric pressure any time of the day. I check the temp- 47 degrees.  No way.  A thought starts materializing.  I could run a half marathon today.  Not around the farm, it's muddy and potholed thanks to the outrageous amount of rain, but along the river there is a walkway for miles.  I could go there.  I think I can do this.  I mean I haven't trained, but I do work out on the daily, surely those HIIT and stationary bike workouts with 3 lb weights  have trained me for moments like this. " Ummm, don't think about it.. just do it."

 So I do, I  jump in running clothes and take off driving towards the river. As I'm driving, I realize I have no water stations along the way.  "Oh man planning your own race is not easy. " I call to get Nate to bring me water at the turn around point of my run, he and Dad agree to meet me there.  As I pull into the park  and open the car door what greets me is a gust of bone chilling wind. Ugh! I didn't wear enough layers, just a light jacket that clearly the wind just charged right through.   But I remind myself," Running makes you warmer, running makes you warmer... just keep running." I soon notice that the course changes directions and  the wind is not hitting me full on, it is a side swipe. God is good.

The plan was to run to the cable bridge and turn around, but at the blue bridge I come upon a man made homeless shelter and a man is waiting under the bridge staring at me.  This feels uncomfortable.  I run faster.  As I pass him, he turns and follows me. This feels even more uncomfortable.  I find another gear and run even faster. Pretty sure I can't keep up this pace.  Then up ahead I see another homeless looking man.  It's here I make an executive decision, I need to turn around. I need to get away from these potential crime scenes with no witnesses.  So I run around the light pole like that was my plan all along and hightail it back the other way.  Yes, I had to run by the first homeless looking guy again, but as I pass a new feature stands out, he's limping.  I'm feeling pretty good about my odds.   It is here I call Duane and Nate to let them know I am turning around because of the sketchy area. They ask, " Are you by the cable bridge? "

"Yeah." So Duane sends Nate out to run some water to me.   I keep running expecting to see Nate at any minute, but I don't.  His words keep replaying in my head, "Are you by the cable bridge?"   

" Wait... I am NOT by the cable bridge, I turned around at the Blue Bridge."  Oh my goodness! I try calling Nate, no answer, so I just text " Blue bridge." I run on for another couple of miles before I hear fast feet pounding the pavement behind me.  It's Nate, he went 3 miles further than expected to find me. He didn't get the text about the bridge, he left his phone and the last words he heard were I'm in a sketchy place, so he was glad to see he still had a mom who was alive.

 As we ran he talked about how Dad was going to meet up with us and Nate was really looking forward to grabbing his sweatshirt, since he was decked out in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. But miscommunication happened, Duane went to another spot saw  Nate already running past and figured he was  good and left.  To Nate's credit, he didn't even mention the discomfort until the last half mile where he said things like, " I wish I had gotten my sweatshirt out." and "My hands are cold." and "This has to be the longest amount of time I have ever ran going the fewest amount of miles." 

In every aspect this was a real sacrifice for him. He had already run his half marathon, he was freezing, he had plans with his friends he forewent to run with me, and he was still carrying the sloshing water bottle for me to drink from that he never even drank out of.  Everything he did was a sacrifice for me to finish my goal...and  together we did.  We finished that half marathon just as the sun was setting. 

 I watched as he tried to warm up in the car. I was drawn to his raw, red hands, the part of his body most exposed and taking the hardest hit.  And it made me think of another's hands.  Ones that had nail prints.  That have sacrificed the most for me.  Christ had already performed the atonement to pay for all of us, but yet he still runs by our side in our struggles and offers us water when we thirst.  He helps us learn the lessons of life at our pace, probably wishing we could learn them faster to shorten the suffering we go through.  But whatever choices we make, He is there if we will turn to Him, He will run the race of life with us.  He will suffer with us, strengthen us and encourage us to keep going and help us make it to the end.  

I'm so thankful for my son and his Christlike example on that run and I'm thankful for the one who is Always the Example, the one running beside me every day of my life.  He is the one who offers water when I thirst and wisdom where I lack and strength to pick me up after a fall and love at all times.

There is no doubt in my mind if we just keep running, we are going to make it to the end, because we got one heck of a running partner.

 

#Christisourexample

#ChurchofJesusChrist.org

#13.1done

 

Do I Know You?

                   

Starvation had set in.  That is what prompted us to find food at the nearest possible location.  When I walked to the counter to pay for our food, a Hispanic girl with kind eyes and a warming smile waited for me at the counter, but right next to her was a  boisterous guy beckoning me to his cash register.  He was funny and we had clearly made eye contact, so I felt compelled to go to his register instead.  But as soon as I move over, I notice the kind girl had also moved over to join in the conversation.  She knew who I was.  She asked if I still was working at Edwin Markham Elementary School..  I struggled to remember her.  Nothing was familiar about her.  I was certain she wasn't a past student of mine and instead must know me because she had seen me at the school and was in the Bilingual program there. 

She then went on to tell me how good my son Nate did at track this year.  She even told me about specific runs she had seen him in.  I'm surprised that I still don't know her, when clearly we have been at the same running events.  Then she comments about how well my daughter did last year on her graduation speech as the valedictorian.  I was blown away.  At this point, I want to know who she is.  Who is this young lady who pays such close attention to others and makes them feel known?  I ask her to remind me of her name, It is Joseline.  I thought maybe the name would trigger a memory, but it doesn't.  The one thing I know is that this girl's observation skills are stellar.

I begin wondering about her.  What had propelled her to engage in conversation with me?  I really didn't know her.  Yet, she made the effort to go to the other register, when I didn't even go to hers to have this conversation with me.  After a comment or two and I didn't have anything to say, she didn't let the conversation drop, she continued to tell me more about the good things she had seen my children do.  And then the part of feeling known, why did that make me  feel so good?  There was nothing really special about us to take notice of and yet she had and she wanted me to know that we mattered.  That we were seen and we were known.

I left in wonderment of Joseline.  I wanted to be more like her.  One who notices others and then makes the effort to reach out and sprinkle kind words that leaves the other party feeling blessed by the encounter. 

Several days later, still thinking about this encounter, I looked up the meaning of her name and found it meant happy, joyful.  She was indeed living up to her name perfectly.